Have you ever adopted a pseudonym and if so, why?

Yes, for on-line chat rooms.

Have you ever lied about your age and if so, why?

Yes, for reasons above.

How would you describe yourself in a lonely hearts ad?

Dancer and doctor seeks new guile nymph for thorough examination.

What was the last illegal thing you did?

I had sex in a public place.

What was the last kind-hearted thing you did?

Made my flatmate a cup of tea.

Who's the nicest person you've ever worked with?

Jane Brand my agent.

What are the initials of the most unpleasant person you've worked with?

IJ

Has a critic ever made you cry?

Only because of their lack of imagination.

What would you advertise without a fee?

Absolutely nothing.

What would you never advertise?

Organised religion.

What wakes you up screaming at four in the morning?

Good head.

What takes you to a "happy place"?